Confessions of a College Dropout
I have never lied about not finishing college, but I have certainly avoided telling the truth. For years (my entire adult life), not having a college degree has haunted me. I want to share the story of how I became a college dropout, the shame that followed, and why I wouldn’t go back to college now if you paid me.
Let’s start with why I dropped out…
I entered college with a hefty amount of trauma and an obvious ADHD diagnosis at my heals. I was determined to leave it all behind and show everyone I was amazing. Well, we all know how that story goes. It caught up with me… in the form of self-destruction and finding myself in sketchy situations, which resulted in even more trauma. I was raped twice by the end of the first year.
I mostly took away from that experience that I was the problem. I enlisted myself into the Air Force, and promptly was given a medical discharge. I enrolled in a few more colleges, and inevitably flunked out or withdrew before I could. I officially couldn’t do life right.
The shame that follows…
Let me detail the messages sent to those without a diploma by age 25:
You are dumb. You lack commitment. You have issues. You won’t amount to anything. You’re not a safe bet. You aren’t hirable for any positions outside of the service industry. You don’t have integrity. You aren’t reliable. You’re not a good match for anyone suitable. You’re a drain on society. You’re lazy. You’re weak. You’re unworthy.
The message was clear. In order to be worthy of my college graduate husband, in order to be worthy of the job, in order to have my family’s approval, in order to be worthy at all, I needed to elude to the fact that I either have a degree or I am “still in school”. The cycle of shame over misleading people and shame over not having a degree continued for most of my life.
Now here I am, at 39, mentally and financially capable of finally getting that degree. So, why don’t I?
Because that wasn’t the lesson I was supposed to learn. The lesson was about self-worth, not college.
As I got older, I got brave. I started applying for jobs I didn’t technically qualify for, but knew I could do just as well as anyone who did. I started collecting mentors who believed in me, regardless of what I looked like on paper. I became obsessed with learning. I had never learned to love learning, for people with ADHD this is critical — because when we love something we can go at it full force.
I took continuing education trainings at the PhD level, I utilized Yale’s Open Yale Courses program, I read research articles and books on leading-edge information. I created my own university of sorts… and in fact, it turned out that my university would prepare me to better address the issue that later became my calling in life: to help figure out why our kids and teens’ mental health was on the decline.
New, unprecedented problems can’t rely on the regurgitation of old solutions. You have to be able to pivot and pull from various other (seemingly unrelated) sources, think creatively, and be riddled with curiosity to find a new solution. That was something I could do. I couldn’t sit in a classroom for hours on end and be re-triggered daily by my traumatic college experience. But I could establish mentors in various fields of study, research til the cows came home, and sit on the very leading-edge of mental health information. So that’s what I did.
Now that I can see how we dismiss path-pavers, and I know that I have taught myself much more than the classroom would teach me, I would never go back to college. My unique trajectory in life allows me to see all of the beautiful ways of living a fulfilling life. My message is much more impactful without a degree.
You don’t know how annoying it is to see that the people who are given the “college isn’t the only way” platform all have PhDs from elite universities. I’m not diminishing their achievements, but why don’t we allow a few more people who have actually walked the walk to have time at the podium (and can it please be someone other than Bill Gates or Mark Zuckerberg?).
As I wrap this up, please understand that I am not an anecdotal story. In fact, the college degree is even more worthless today than it was when I went. Forbes “most sought after skills” for employees for 2020 are growth mindset, problem solving, and creativity. As a self-made expert in humanness, I’m here to tell you, these skills are best honed outside the classroom.
