Social Media Confessions Won’t Heal You

Why sharing doesn’t release burdens and what to do instead

If you are a person who struggles with self-worth or who has some deeply unacknowledged wounds, it can be tempting to confess them to the world. Our society reveres people who are “raw” and “exposed”. Plus, confessions get a lot of attention — and if we know anything about people with low self-worth, it’s that they yearn to be seen. The videos that go viral, the posts that get the most likes, the books that make it to the bestseller list, often have that in common… people who are willing to share it all.

It seems brave. It is brave, to some extent. But if the goal is to heal (not go viral or make it to the top of the bestseller list) you might be being misled. Simply airing your family’s dirty laundry or confessing the worst thing you did in high school to the public is not healing. In fact, it may be harmful.

Why? Here are a few reasons:

1. If you are sharing your story publicly you are likely looking for external validation. Which is ok, I guess, but for people with low self-worth it can be dangerous territory. First to keep in mind, you can’t control who that external validation is coming from. Strangers, who see you as an anonymous being, will likely not respect the vulnerability it took to share your story. In other words, you might get ripped apart. Or perhaps even worse — dead silence. A lack of validation cuts just as deep as negative feedback. Self-worth is only created intrinsically (from within). Example: I once made a vulnerable post about my own childhood trauma on Instagram, which received a lot of praise for its bravery. It felt great, and as a result I shared an even more detailed story about my rape which fell silent. It was very invalidating and I realized I had allowed strangers to impact my very personal healing journey. The focus had shifted to the attention, not the healing.
2. You may harm others. It is very difficult to bare your soul without revealing other people’s souls along the way. Many times we can feel more connected with our readers/followers/listeners than we do with the people closest to us. This is a dangerous path to follow. If you feel apathetic about the people who may be impacted by you sharing your story, that is a sign you may be suppressing rather than healing. And you may be directly impacting someone else’s healing journey. The point is to heal, not destroy those who harmed you and anyone in their wake.
3. If you haven’t healed from it, it won’t work. We think releasing our story to the world is part of our healing journey. Releasing is essential to healing — when it is with a therapist, or a family member or loved one. Releasing to the world is not an essential step towards healing. It can be wonderful to connect with others and let them know they aren’t alone. However, you aren’t doing them any favors if you are relying solely on their connection to heal you. Here’s a tip: if the story still makes you cringe, and you feel nauseous up until you press “Share”, you might want to take a pause. This is likely a story best suited for sharing privately in order to heal first. Sharing before healing will only lead to disappointment.

We want these burdens off our backs so badly. I get it. I thought it would be my fast track to healing at one time too. I saw the praise others got for exposing their “raw” selves and I wanted to be praised and healed at the same time — doesn’t that sound wonderful? But it doesn’t work like that. We must stay in control of our healing journey, it is sacred should not be handed to anyone else.

Do not confuse my words with saying “keep it to yourself” or please don’t think I am contributing to the “put on a brave face” mentality. I am simply saying it is easy to be a part of social media and believe that confession on a public platform will release our demons and bring us closer to healing. I don’t want people to feel hopeless because they are confessing like crazy and it is not working. It’s not working because it’s not supposed to work. Healing is personal. It is done within, often with the aid of very skilled safe-space holders. Once it no longer feels like a confession at all — and honestly doesn’t have any powerful emotion attached to it — that is when it is time to tell the world.

To learn more about me, and how I can help support you on your healing journey, visit www.cindyrobinsonllc.com.