The One Advantage to Having a Struggling Child

A parent coach’s perspective on what we can all learn from struggling families

If you have ever experienced having a child who struggles you know the word “advantage” is not the first word that comes to mind. You’re likely more familiar with the word “terror” to describe having to sleep in your tween’s bedroom at night to ensure they don’t take their own lives. Or “despair”, when you find self-inflicted scars up and down your child’s arms and legs. Or perhaps “helpless” when your child comes home from school crying almost every day as a result of bullying.

I am a parent coach, I specialize in helping parents learn how to best support their children who struggle. I have noticed parents of children who are just beginning to struggle — for example, the burned out overachievers — I get a lot more resistance. They still want to maintain the GPA, they are still talking about looming college application due dates, and they are still concerned about how their child will be perceived by family members and friends.

But the parents who have cradled their child as they say they don’t want to live… they typically say this:

“I just want my child to be healthy and happy. I don’t care about anything else.”

They no longer worry about grades. They no longer care whether their child goes to college. They no longer consider what everyone else will think. All of that is stripped away and now the only thing they care about is this child they love so dearly finding peace.

I think a lot of people have the misconception that for “those children” — the ones who struggle severely — those are the only priorities you can have. But the truth is those are what should be the priorities for every child, and every human.

So, the advantage I believe every parent of a struggling child has is perspective. They’ve seen first hand that grades and college pressures will break a child, not build them. The’ve seen that a human cannot thrive when they prioritize the needs of others over their own. And most of all, they’ve seen that a parent cannot make a child happy or healthy, they have to find it on their own in their own way.

We could all learn something from the families that have been totally stripped away. What is left when everything else burns to the ground? Throw out the preconceived notions you had for your child — now. Don’t wait until they are ravaged by an eating disorder or riddled with panic attacks. I beg you, shift your perspective to happy and healthy being the priority… before it is the only priority left to have.

For more about how to make that shift, check out www.cindyrobinsonllc.com